put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
