I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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