I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
