he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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