i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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