Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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