Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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