I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
