yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
