This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My vagina just clenched in fear
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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