Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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