my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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