now i know why i became what i already was.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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