I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
