His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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