but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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