Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
