She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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