Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
