He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
