You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
