Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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