got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
