Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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