he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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