why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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