hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
