The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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