I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
