yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
ok first of all what the fuck
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
