he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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