3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize