How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
