if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
someone owes me an orgasm
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
