What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
