She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
