Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
