I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
