an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So vagazzling was a success
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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