I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
