I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
