Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
