You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
