We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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