My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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