May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
