Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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