I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
