sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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