oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
