Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
