I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
