Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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