I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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