You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
