My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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