White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We need a shit load of segways right now
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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