Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
