he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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