I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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