Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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