bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
